


we're on fire now

by ariadne_odair



Series: Just close your eyes, the sun is going down [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Girl!Arthur, Girl!Merlin, because there isn't enough of that, for reals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:06:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1511600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariadne_odair/pseuds/ariadne_odair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Arthur laughs again, blue eyes crinkling at the corners. It's adorable. "Try getting a date when your name is Arthur. Nothing like seeing the shock on people's face when I turn up in a skirt and heels."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"I didn't think getting dates would exactly be a problem for you," Merlin says without thinking, then immediately wants to punch herself.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Or the one where they're both girls, but it doesn't stop Merlin from being socially incompetent and Arthur being hopelessly gorgeous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we're on fire now

**Author's Note:**

> Never wrote gender swap before lol lol lol 
> 
> (it's not actually that funny)
> 
> I felt this was a little ooc? I don't know, not overly happy with it, but it's my interpretation and all that razzle dazzle, so I hope you enjoy it :)

Sometimes, Willow gets a stupid idea in her head, ideas that Merlin gets dragged into, even if she doesn't want to, because Willow is remarkably like a hurricane when she wants to be.

Like the time she decided Willow was a stupid name - "I'm not a tree, Merlin, how  _racist," -_ then ordered everyone to call her 'Oak', because it was 'dramatic irony.' That blew over quickly, thank God, but Merlin still has to put up with her stupid ideas.

Like trying to set Merlin up with every boy who walks past her locker.

"What about that one?"

"Luke Chambers?" Merlin says, wrinkling her nose, "Ew, no. He has  _dandruff,_ Willow."

Willow shrugs, undeterred. "What about...him!"

Merlin sneaks a glance, then sighs. "Jake Saunders? Didn't he burn down the bike sheds, because he dropped his cigarette? Yeah, because I want a cancer loving arsonist for my future partner."

"Well, who  _do_ you want for your future partner?" Willow says exasperated, and Merlin wants to say  _a girl, I want a girl,_ but she bites her tongue.

There's this stereotype, okay, and it doesn't how many laws are changed, lesbians are always seen as a) ugly or b) part bear. It doesn't matter how much you believe in equality, the running view (at least in her high school) is that if you like girls, you also like short hair, beer, and dressing like a man. One of you has to be the  _masculine_ part of the couple, which is stupid, because surely if Merlin wanted masculine, she would go out with someone who had a fucking dick.

She just feels that if she - Merlin, the quiet geek, with messy hair and band t-shirts - kissed another girl, there'd be a round of "Oh, I  _knew_ it," as if being an ugly girl automatically made you a dyke.

Merlin's just waiting for a stunningly beautiful, cute, sweet, funny girl to come along, and then she can blow those homophobic views out the water.

She's having a little trouble with the first part.

"Do you like blonds?" Willow says suddenly, eyes fixing on some point past Merlin's shoulder.

Merlin sighs, unlocking her locker, searching through the crap to find her English books. "I guess."

"Athletic? Is that good for you?"

Merlin nods distractedly. "Sure."

"Blue eyes?"

"Uh huh," Merlin says, tugging the books out and shoving them in their bag.

"Sports bra?"

"Sure - what?"

Merlin pauses, heart thudding, but Willow just rolls her eyes and gestures with one hand. Merlin wrinkles her nose at her, then turns around, looking down the corridor. In all fairness, Willow gave a good description of Arthur Pendragon, Camelot Sixth Form's golden girl, head of the girl's football team, leader of the student council, and the one girl Merlin is all out crushing on.

Once, in Year 4, a boy laughed at Arthur for having a boy's name. Arthur punched him in the face, then told him it was  _her_ name, and if he had a problem with it, then her fist might have a problem with his face.

It was love at first sight for Merlin, really.

Arthur is still in her footie uniform, but evidently the universe wants to torture with the sight of Arthur's long, golden legs, her strong thighs, the flex of her ankles in her white trainers. Her golden hair is tied into a high ponytail, bouncing on her shoulders. Her blue eyes - which Merlin pointedly doesn't let herself think about, for fear on pondering the shades of the sea and their comparison, which is utterly lame, - are focused, driven. That's Arthur all over though, like an avenging huntress seeking her next prey.

God. Merlin is so screwed.

"I was only kidding, Merlin," Willow says, and Merlin snaps her attention back to her, face flushing. "Pendragon's a bitch. She thinks she fucking rules the place, plus I bet she doesn't even need to exercise to look like that. I could run a marathon and barely burn off a cracker."

Merlin laughs, because she's supposed to, and Willow sighs, flicking her long brown hair over her shoulder. "Right, I've got to go. My biology teacher's going to kill me if I don't get there on time. She's never forgiven me for the time I spilt hydrochloric acid on her."

Merlin nods absent mindedly as Willow mutters under her breath. "Okay, I've got history. I'll see you at lunch, okay?"

Willow nods, already half way down the corridor. She pauses, turning to holler down the corridor. "Make sure to check out the boys in your history class!"

Willow has no shame, but unfortunately Merlin does, and she ducks behind her open locker door in mortification. Sometimes she really wants to strangle Willow, if it wasn't for the fact she'd then have no friends. Make good life choices and all that.

She shuts her locker door, sighing loudly, only to turn and come face to face with Arthur Pendragon. Merlin feels the breath flutter in her lungs, heart constricting as she takes in Arthur's face, close, too close, closer than it's ever been before. 

"Sorry," she mutters, stepping back, before she does something stupid like count every individual eyelash Arthur has. Arthur is still there, paused in her place, head cocked to one side, and oh god why is Arthur still here, this is so bad, abort abort abort.

"It's fine," Arthur says finally, shrugging, which Merlin shouldn't find attractive but does. Who likes fucking shoulders, for fuck's sake. 

She gets very expletive around her crushes, evidently.

"Why was that girl shouting at you?" Arthur asks, in her high, slightly rough voice, and Merlin bites the side of her cheek. 

"Willow," she says quietly, smoothing her hands down her shirt, in an attempt to give her hands something to do. "She's trying to set me up with all the boys in the school. I'm pretty sure she printed out a list and is slowly working through them."

Arthur actually laughs, which startles Merlin, because it wasn't  _that_ funny. Or maybe she's laughing at Merlin's face. Probably the latter. "Well, at least she hasn't signed you up for any dating websites."

"Don't," Merlin groans, shaking her head, "That'll be her next move."

Arthur laughs again, blue eyes crinkling at the corners. It's adorable. "Try getting a date when your name is  _Arthur._ Nothing like seeing the shock on people's face when I turn up in a skirt and heels."

"I didn't think getting dates would exactly be a problem for you," Merlin says without thinking, then immediately wants to punch herself. She blushes, Arthur eyeing her curiously.

"I guess not," Arthur says finally, fingering a strand that's escaped from her ponytail. "Well, I've got to go. See you later, Merlin."

She gives Merlin a little smile that makes her heart stop, then walks away. Merlin watches the line of her hips as she goes, then realises she's the bell has gone. She's late to class, and she gets a detention, but it's worth out.

 

 

So. Here's the sob story.

Merlin's always liked girls, the swing of their hips, the clothes they wear, their soft skin and long lashes. But it's never been a  _thing,_ or if it it she hasn't  _wanted_ it to be. Her dad, Harvey, would be fine with it. Well, fine as a single dad with a teenage daughter can be. Her mum died in childbirth, and Harvey's tried his best, he's done so well, but she thinks lesbian sex might be a bit too much for him to handle.

Not that she thinks about lesbian sex, didn't really think about lesbian  _anything_ until a couple of weeks ago, when Willow had dragged her to her cousin's party. Willow had been persistent on hooking her up with her cousin, a nice guy called James, but not nice enough to be interested. He'd clearly been interested in a brunette girl who'd been grinding on him, and Merlin can't say she'd been heart broken, so she'd let it go.

Willow always gets drunk at parties, and Merlin always doesn't, so she'd found herself alone in the little garden. Merlin's never been a particularly girly girl - preferring long jumpers to crop tops, jeans to short shorts. It's not that she doesn't like dressing up, she does. She likes the curves of her body, the way eyeliner brings out the blue in her eyes, the way her skinny jeans cling to her legs.

She's just never going to be one of those girls, the ones confident enough to show their bodies. And Merlin doesn't hate them for it - she's envious, if anything.

So Merlin's sitting on the outside porch, cuffs of her jumper pulled over her hands. She'd considered going in to recover a - predictably inebriated - Willow, but the cool wind had been nice on her cheeks, whipping her long dark hair around her face.

She'd heard footsteps, twisting her body round to see a figure stumbling out the house. Willow had a cousin, yes, but she also had more than one, and one that was less than male.

The kiss had been quick, tasting like alcohol and cigarettes, and Merlin had been too shocked to kiss back. The girl had patted her cheek, manicured nails digging in, then stumbled back inside, mumbling something about getting another drink.

Merlin had been shocked, frozen, and had immediately scrubbed at her lips, the wool of her jumper scratching the soft skin. She'd rushed inside, grabbing Willow and tugging her to the car, hands shaking on the keys. She'd driven home in a daze, dropping Willow off home, heading to her own house on autopilot.

It'd only been when Merlin was lying in bed, wearing her oldest pyjamas, heart thudding, that she realises that's the best kiss she's ever had. It was sloppy, drunken, lasted barely a second, and it was still the only one who'd got her pulse racing, and Merlin is very, very screwed.

 

 

Merlin doesn't tell Willow about the kiss, doesn't tell anyone. 

She tries to not tell herself, but that doesn't work very well. 

The thing is, stereotypes and sniggering aside, it wouldn't be that bad. Not really. Merlin's not popular, but she's not  _disliked._ She gets along with most people, mainly the drama and music people, and keeps to herself beside. People honestly aren't that bothered, not really, and Merlin's capable of looking after herself. She's been bullied before, her ears are too big, her hair's not perfect, she sucks up in class, but she can hold her own. She's perfectly capable of verbally ripping someone to shreds, if she really has to.

If she's honest, she's scared. Scared that people will laugh at her, scared girls won't want to share the changing rooms with her. And people  _won't_ do that, but the fears still there, sliding into her ribs like a knife every time she thinks about it. 

It's partially the whole stereotype thing, too. The idea she couldn't get a boy, so she had to go for a girl. Which is  _wrong,_ and she doesn't feel like that, obviously, but. It just feels like she wasn't enough to get a hot boyfriend, so this was her only alternative. It's ridiculous, but it's her insecurity, and she can't help it.

She keeps her mouth shut.

 

 

Arthur is in her psychology class, a fact Merlin was aware of, but is now much, much more aware of. It's like her body lights up whenever Merlin is around, her skin prickling when she sees a familiar flash of blond hair. Her body is a traitor. She should disown it.

"Hey, Merlin," Arthur says easily, sliding into her usual seat. "How's the match making going?"

Vivian, who's an utter bitch, lets out a little snort. Merlin cringes, but Arthur turns to her, scowling. "Something funny, Vivian?"

"Nothing," Vivian says, inspecting her perfectly manicured nails, "I just can't imagine  _Merlin_ going on a date."

"I can't imagine you being a virgin," Arthur says flatly, and Merlin laughs abruptly, clasping a hand over her mouth to stifle her laugh. Arthur shoots her a pleased look, lips curling up. She's wearing a red dress today, hair down and straight, little brown boots on her foot. Merlin wants to stab herself in the face with how gorgeous she is.

"I like your shirt," Arthur says, and Merlin glances down at her  _Civil Wars_ shirt. She loves the band, always has, especially when they did a song for the _Hunger Games_ soundtrack.

"Thanks," Merlin says, then takes it back when Arthur says, "It's one of those hipster bands, isn't it."

"It's not," Merlin scowls, even though Willow always says that. "I'm not a hipster."

"Right," Arthur says, raising an eyebrow. "I bet you reuse your tea bags, right? Bet there's a whole lot of plaid in your wardrobe, and you visit some kind of underground coffee shop that buys beans from a goat farmer in Uganda."

"Don't be silly," Merlin says, then smirks. "Uganda's way too main stream, we have a supplier in Botswana, now."

"Of course you do."

"Well, what kind of music do you like?" Merlin asks, trying not to smile. "Something obnoxiously main stream and preppy?"

"I'm a _One Direction_ fan," Arthur grins, and Merlin groans, "Obnoxious and preppy enough for you?"

"I will not understand the world's obsession with them," Merlin says, shaking her head. "They're just five, annoying cheerful, teenage boys."

"Yeah," Arthur says slowly, something indiscernible flashing in their eyes. "Well, Harry Styles in the most fuckable person I've even seen."

"Get out," Merlin says flatly, and Arthur cracks up, sweet and high. The teacher comes into the room soon, and Arthur turns around, winking as she does. Merlin settles in her seat, a strange thrumming in her ears as Mrs Limb begins to write on the board.

(Arthur starts humming  _What Makes You Beautiful,_ halfway through the lesson, and Merlin can't stop smiling.)

 

 

"So," Willow says when they walk back home after school, and Merlin groans, knowing what she's going to say. "Oh, shut up. Come on, anyone cute in your class?"

"Willow," Merlin says firmly, tightening her hands around the straps of her rucksack, "Stop trying to pimp me out. It's weird. It's borderline prostitution. Stop it."

"It's not prostitution," Willow says indignantly, jabbing Merlin in the arm. "Besides, I wouldn't pimp you out, I wouldn't get enough money."

Merlin sticks her tongue out at her, a gesture Willow returns, then kicks angrily at the pavement. She assumes the tarmac is suitably cowed. "I don't see why you care so much anyway, Will."

Willow shrugs, looking away. "I just do, okay," she says, and her voice sounds a little squeaky, "You're my friend, I don't like the idea of you being alone."

"You're alone," Merlin points out, but not in a mean way. "We both don't have boyfriends, remember? We don't need ones, either, I'm too busy."

"That's what everyone says," Willow says, nodding her head in what she probably thinks is a wise way, but really makes her look like an idiot. "Then before you know it, they're pushing an empty trolley cart around, muttering about cats."

Merlin looks at her. "Willow, how many people have you seen pushing an empty trolley cart around, muttering about cats?"

"I'm sure they exist," Willow says loftily, and Merlin has had enough, so she pushes her in the next bush they walk past.

 

 

"What are you doing?"

Merlin really wishes Arthur would stop ambushing her, because it's getting really repetitive. Okay, so she doesn't really wish that, but she has to pretend she has some dignity left.

"We're in a library," Merlin says slowly, raising an eyebrow at her, "Therefore I'm reading. A book."

"Really? There have those here?" Arthur asks sarcastically, flinging herself down in the chair opposite Merlin. Her hair is braided today, perfectly entwined and pristine. "I would never have guessed."

"Some of them are even in alphabetical order," Merlin continues, smirking, "And some are real life books, and those are called non-fiction - "

"You're such a little shit," Arthur breaks in, cracking a smile. "Aren't you?"

"Maybe," Merlin says, grinning back.

"Doesn't the librarian creep you out?" Arthur asks, casting a surreptitious glance over her shoulder.

"Mr Killaragah?" Merlin asks, blinking. "No, he's nice."

Back in Year 7, Merlin had thought he was psychic, actually, because he always knew what book Merlin wanted to read, and had it ready for her. But then she realised when you're methodically going through the Harry Potter series, it's not rocket science to think she'll want the fourth book once she's read the third one.

"He's weird," Arthur corrects, "I feel like he always knows what I'm doing."

"You're in a library," Merlin says slowly, "Surely you'd be  _reading."_

"That's not what he thinks," Arthur says darkly, crossing her arms. "Anyway, I never come in the library. I'm only hiding from Gwaine. I swear, if he tries to hit on me one more time, I'm going to punch him in the face."

Merlin wrinkles her nose. "Isn't he the one who got caught having sex in the changing rooms?"

"Yep," Arthur says grimly, "With two girls. Which, whatever, have sex with who you want. But not in a  public space. He doesn't even care, either, his libido's bigger than his brain."

"And he likes you?" Merlin asks sympathetically, "Well, I'm pretty sure Gwaine doesn't know where the library even is, so you should be safe here." She hopes that doesn't sound too much like  _please stay in here forever,_ but Arthur doesn't seem to notice.

"What are you reading, anyway?" Arthur asks, tugging the book out of her hands. "Oh,  _The Hunger Games._ I went to go see the film, Jennifer Lawrence is so hot. So is Josh Hutchinson. And Liam Hemsworth. Even Lenny Kravitz, in a hot, older guy, indie way."

Merlin is still stuck on  _Jennifer Lawrence is so hot._ She stares at Arthur, mouth hanging open slightly. Arthur is still talking. "I think I'd get to the top three, because I'm pretty fast, I could just bludgeon someone with a rock - " she pauses when she sees Merlin's expression. "What? All right, how would you survive the arena?"

Merlin is still staring at her, and realisation dawns on Arthur's face. "Is it because I said Jennifer Lawrence is hot? You're not homophobic, are you?"

Arthur is starting to look angry, indignation crossing her face, drawing herself as if she's going into a battle. "No," Merlin says quickly, stomach flipping uncomfortably, "No, I - "

"Because if you have a problem with it, I could leave," Arthur says coldly, gathering up her stuff, "Because I like what I like, okay, and I'm not going to apologise for that."

Merlin shakes her head desperately. "No, I'm not - " She struggles, throat closing up, and the Arthur's eyes widen, and she just can't, she can't do this.

"Merlin," Arthur begins, but Merlin jumps out of her chair, grabbing her bag. 

"I have to go," she says, voice miserable, and rushes out of the library. 

 

 

Willow is waiting for her when she gets out of last class, leaning against the lockers, scuffing her feet along the corridor. "Hey!" she greets, then frowns when she sees Merlin's face. "Hey, what's up? Are you okay?"

Merlin swallows, walking past so Willow has to catch up with her. "I'm fine," she says shortly, clenching her fists, "I'm just a bit tired."

"Okay," Willow says slowly, holding the door open for her as they head out, "Are you not sleeping very well?"

Merlin rubs her face with a fist, shaking her head. The image of Arthur's shocked face keeps running through her mind, burnt into her eyelids. "Um, yeah."

Willow shoots her an unconvinced look, biting her bottom lip. "Do you want to talk about something else? There's this boy in my English class - "

"I don't want to talk about boys," Merlin snaps, then sighs, feeling awful. "Sorry."

"Merlin," Willow says seriously, brown eyes grave. "I know."

Merlin blinks. "Know what?"

"That you don't want to talk about boys."

"I don't."

"I know."

"Haven't we done this?"

"I know," Willow says loudly, "Because I saw you kissing my cousin at that party last month."

Merlin freezes. She turns to Willow, heart thumping, eyes wide in shock. Willow's face is expressionless, watching her intently. "You know I don't  _care,_ " Willow says loudly, and Merlin feels her legs buckle beneath her. "I don't care if you like girls or not, just that you felt that you couldn't tell me. That's why I kept asking you about dating boys, in the hope you would snap and tell me."

Merlin pauses for a bit, then says slowly, "That's really messed up."

"Reverse psychology," Willow shrugs, grinning, and Merlin can feel her chest loosen. "Or not. I don't actually take psychology, so. Either way, I'm a little hurt you can get off with Beth, but not tell me."

Merlin frowns. "Who's Beth?"

"My  _cousin,_ " Willow says, raising an eyebrow, "Did you not even know her name? Slut."

Merlin elbows her out of habit, smiling slightly though it feels harsh, fake. "You really don't mind that I - "

"Kissed a girl?" Willow finishes, "Well, you need to work on your technique a little, to be honest, but 'course not. Why do you think I happened to pick out Arthur Pendragon?"

Merlin blushes at that, which is stupid, because Willow pounces at any sign of weakness. "You like Pendragon? I didn't realise you went for - "

"Yes, okay," Merlin cuts her off, but she can't help laughing a little. "Thanks, Willow. For - for everything."

Willow just smirks, slinging an arm around her shoulders. "Less competition for me, isn't it? Not that you're competition after the display I witnessed - "

 _"She_ kissed me," Merlin protests, laughing, "And she was drunk, I didn't even know it was going to happen!"

"A bad workman blames his tools," Willow says, like she's a great kissing guru, and Merlin just smiles.

 

 

"Er. Hi."

Arthur looks up at her, slinging her gym bag into her locker. She's wearing blue eyeshadow today, dusted lightly above her eyes, and Merlin feels her heart contract. "Hi."

"I'm sorry for running away in the library," Merlin blurts, completely disregarding the script Willow and her had planned to say last night. "I just - "

"It's cool," Arthur says softly, closing the locker door and turning to face Merlin. "Are you - "

The question hangs in the air, the obvious query Merlin doesn't quite know the answer to yet. Merlin swallows, looking down at her shoes. "Yeah," she says quietly, "But - still working on it."

"Okay," Arthur says slowly, nodding once. "Fair enough." She doesn't say anything else, and Merlin feels her heart sink. She gives Arthur an awkward nod, turning to go, disappointment weighing her down.

"Merlin," Arthur calls, and Merlin turns to her, preparing for more rejection. Arthur looks like she's trying not to smile. "When you've changed your mind," Arthur says slowly, biting her bottom lip, "Give me a call, yeah?"

 

 

 

**_From Willow:_ **

_hahahahahahahaha i seeeee what you are doing GET IN THERE GIRLFRIEND (not lietrally cause we are in a public place but yeeeeessss :) )_

 

**_To Willow:_ **

_Were you hiding around the corner?!?!?!?_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Merlin's turmoil about coming isn't supposed to be homophobic, that is generally the feeling in my school, which is what I based it on. Obviously, all the stereo types are offensive and wrong, but that's what Merlin's insecurity is playing on? So, not trying to be offensive, it's part of the fic :)


End file.
